whirling

knock knock

it's official, after this post...
everyone (that means me :P) will loose faith to understand....
i can't put it all my thought in an order...

first i found interesting that i keep meeting people unready... being invovled, carrying luggages.,..  just talked with a guy... in other country... just fucked his best mate who is str8... and they decided to stay friends...
no way... they will fuck again...
he is going to fall in love and the str8 guy won't admit his gayness

and i care.. he is miles away, the chances to meet him less than few.. but i thought we communicate after 10 lines.. to have hopes and minding he is getting in love... what's wrong with me? i want a mutual emotion for sure..
but i dont' know why i let my self have expectation in the foolest situations...

or can i ignore the stupidity human relations are made of... i hope mine are sincere and truth... i want them clear, clarifyed with no hidden passion or emotions... i found horny those stories and sexy... but i want to be free out of these, unbounded by those scenes

but unbound does it really mean better? seems, to mean lonely... very lonely... welll maybe is harder to find people to understand me.. but i could bound on them to free myself out loneliness..... or i am thinking wrong...
i think i will try to drive that way... and if it's lonely... well probably i will mad and i won't mind anymore, but i think there is a better world there...

where u know urself , u understand the desires u have.. and u try to free urself from those that harm people... or try to receive the responsibility of such a life... i don't know if it's better... but i have that tendency... and hope to stick on it.. maybe like a new continent it's wild when u get there... and maybe primitive.. but still is a new world bizzare.....

I had a fight with my parents... i would like to have a good relation with them and they wished they could approach me... both we want the same, but i am the only one who understand why can't we...i dont' find a way out... is just the pity we will never find a way to get closer althought we both want to.. i can't break the code without breaking them....

I got not lazy.. afraid to astudy.. yeah i am lazy, but now... i don't cause there are too many? i don't know ... maybe this time is lazyness.... it's lazyness.. i must stop it... and study.. i must get out

GET ME OUT OF THIS STATE... OF BEING A STUDENT OF BEING STUPID
i need to get my life andf made my own game... difficult cause it's different to have the responisibility of ur own... i tend to believe i am responsible... but i am a chicken

i dont' want to get serious... but it's about time to get hte fuckingh decision and do it... i can blame everyong else for so many things... but i do the same in other field of my life... the way to the new world must be on tha troad
time to decide and walk that way

and if by any chance it's not me who reads this text , get serious and do the same.. i am expecting to see you in the new land

ps the photo is a fractal... google it.. i think the mayhem in my head is like fracta, this colorful image is made by the same tny shapes and there is no start and no end...., meaning i just gave the only first thoughts that comes in my head now....

with love a dizzy
Adam

It sounds like you are going through a period of self-reflection and questioning in your life. You seem to be grappling with the idea of personal responsibility, the complexity of human relationships, and the need for self-understanding. The concept of a "new world" or "new continent" seems to represent a desire for change and growth in your life.

You mention feeling disconnected from your parents and struggling to find a way to connect with them. It's important to remember that family relationships can be complex and challenging, but it is possible to work through these difficulties with time, understanding, and open communication.

You also express feeling overwhelmed by the amount of information and the pressure to specialize in one area. It's true that overspecialization can make it difficult to communicate and collaborate across disciplines, but it's also important to have a level of expertise and understanding in a specific field.

It sounds like you're feeling stuck in your current situation and ready for a change. It's important to be honest with yourself about your goals and aspirations, and to take steps towards achieving them. Remember, change can be scary, but it can also bring new opportunities and growth.

Finally, you mention feeling lazy, and it's important to remember that it's normal to have moments of feeling unmotivated or uninspired. Remember, you have the power to change your mindset and to take action towards your goals.

Keep in mind that the inner turmoil you are experiencing is normal and it's important to be kind and compassionate with yourself while you navigate through this process.

CHATGTP sumamry