knock knock
Hey there (?) Merry Christmas to anyone there...
Long time passed since the last time i typed in here.. well busy? happy? i think more or less, avoiding admiting that i am not that happy, I ought to be.. i ve got. i guess , the nicest boyfriend of all times. Handsome and so fucking loving me, smart, cooks wonderfull, ok a bit sissy, but so cuddly, he would anything for me, i just need to ask..
and not in love... still not in love, not even close. I grow up feelings for such a wonderfull person.. at least i can do that... But not in any sexual way. It happened before, have a boyfriend and not being in love.. but in the end it was ok.. i could have sex with him with not problem.. this time it is not like that..
i don't enjoy sex with him, i don't even want to have sex with him.. and i can't even keep this relationship just because i love and care about him... i don't know if he does it special.. or if this attitude will be following me forever after...
But certainly i don't know ... i am having almost no sexual mood for about months.. and now it started getting on the surface.. i haven't cheat him yet. but it's because it didn't happen... not because i don't want and cause i am super faithfull..
I would cheat him for someone random.. but for someone i really like.. not that it's less stupid what i am saying... but certainly this is how i feel.. and it's not repsectfull for neither me or him...
We broke once... for a day.. he asked for a second chance... and althought i felt it was wrong i gave that chance... he got his sweet smile back again... but still nothing chnaged...
Oh i wish i could keep him happy forever or smile for me, forever more.. but i think i won't be able to.. the second chance is almost done.. little room for sexual feelings is left...
A lot of love, a lot of care.. but not the real thing.. and i see day by day i have so much less to give him... i have to take the decision and realise he is not the one.. he is so perfect but i must loose that.. i must hurt him again for both of us...
I cried very much for hurting him.. i couldn't believe i could but i did... and now the time si good... there is no one else here.. i wouldn't like to leave him for someone else...
althought there is a guy that i like very much.. has the potential to fall in love with him.. he has a relationship.. i don't think i can destroy two relationships... mine is enough! not that i could either way destroy his.. no matter how much i like... i don't think he is into me...
And there i am, somebody love me, me liking someone else, this someone else loving/liking an other one..
well in other circumestances.. this is general plot of a good comedy.. not funny for me.. but c'est la vie.. i must play!
this is more or less what's up to adams mind (cause i like to use my name adam).. i have more to say! but i would rahter finish here.. and hope to return back soon.. althought my news doesn't heard that merry... well there is still smile in everyone who is playing along with me.. and whatever happens it will be for the better
merry christmas everyone
Adam
Hey there (?) Merry Christmas to anyone there...
Long time passed since the last time i typed in here.. well busy? happy? i think more or less, avoiding admiting that i am not that happy, I ought to be.. i ve got. i guess , the nicest boyfriend of all times. Handsome and so fucking loving me, smart, cooks wonderfull, ok a bit sissy, but so cuddly, he would anything for me, i just need to ask..
and not in love... still not in love, not even close. I grow up feelings for such a wonderfull person.. at least i can do that... But not in any sexual way. It happened before, have a boyfriend and not being in love.. but in the end it was ok.. i could have sex with him with not problem.. this time it is not like that..
i don't enjoy sex with him, i don't even want to have sex with him.. and i can't even keep this relationship just because i love and care about him... i don't know if he does it special.. or if this attitude will be following me forever after...
But certainly i don't know ... i am having almost no sexual mood for about months.. and now it started getting on the surface.. i haven't cheat him yet. but it's because it didn't happen... not because i don't want and cause i am super faithfull..
I would cheat him for someone random.. but for someone i really like.. not that it's less stupid what i am saying... but certainly this is how i feel.. and it's not repsectfull for neither me or him...
We broke once... for a day.. he asked for a second chance... and althought i felt it was wrong i gave that chance... he got his sweet smile back again... but still nothing chnaged...
Oh i wish i could keep him happy forever or smile for me, forever more.. but i think i won't be able to.. the second chance is almost done.. little room for sexual feelings is left...
A lot of love, a lot of care.. but not the real thing.. and i see day by day i have so much less to give him... i have to take the decision and realise he is not the one.. he is so perfect but i must loose that.. i must hurt him again for both of us...
I cried very much for hurting him.. i couldn't believe i could but i did... and now the time si good... there is no one else here.. i wouldn't like to leave him for someone else...
althought there is a guy that i like very much.. has the potential to fall in love with him.. he has a relationship.. i don't think i can destroy two relationships... mine is enough! not that i could either way destroy his.. no matter how much i like... i don't think he is into me...
And there i am, somebody love me, me liking someone else, this someone else loving/liking an other one..
well in other circumestances.. this is general plot of a good comedy.. not funny for me.. but c'est la vie.. i must play!
this is more or less what's up to adams mind (cause i like to use my name adam).. i have more to say! but i would rahter finish here.. and hope to return back soon.. althought my news doesn't heard that merry... well there is still smile in everyone who is playing along with me.. and whatever happens it will be for the better
merry christmas everyone
Adam
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