You seem to be reflecting on your past experiences and how they have shaped your feelings and actions. You mention feeling guilty and scared, and how these emotions have affected your choices in life. You also mention the idea of a "social suicide" where you give up certain aspects of yourself in order to fit in with society. You express a desire to be more open and public with your thoughts and emotions, and also mention the concept of a global AI architecture called GAIA. You also mention the idea that emotions are feedback that help shape our experiences and that giving up on learning and growth due to shame can lead to negative emotions. Overall, it seems that you are trying to understand and come to terms with your past experiences and emotions, and make positive changes in your life.
ChatGTP f
knock knock
So... years passed! People have passed away, but thankfully I am still alive and reasonably healthy! This blog was from the start abstract and it will continue to be so! But this time things will be of course different.
I am still the same scared child that started this blog years ago... With very vague impression what I wanted to say... I just wanted to say things and put them into the world... Now some things are clearer or I can understand some parts of why I wanted to do so!
Wishfully, I will be less melancholic or depressing this time. I do not care about you, a random visitor who may be fast read this text. I do care about me and to give up this tendency for drama! My god... there are so many things worth mentioning here but I really know not where to start, what to omit, what to expand! and what to add later.
But for whom? For me? or for you? Both! As long I do not give a fuck of your opinion! It is important. One thing that now I can understand I did right the first time, it is the fact I wanted to stay anonymous. In some sense, because I was bullied as a kid, in some other ingenious moment, because of the guilt!
Guilt is my only enemy! Not you, not me! Guilt-Shame-Fear! A triangle of despair that finds its way to mutate my life and pardon me for my assumption, most probably your life too! The point is not here to shame ourselves, but to find our way out of this madness! Man! At least now I do have a direction for this blog!
So Shamelessly I admit, I plan to make it a bit more public! Of course, keep my face secret! Mouahaha and who I am. But I would like to have followers and feel like an evangelist! If on the other hand, my context is gone unnoticed! Well no shame about it, for obvious reasons! But my favorite - maybe not so obvious reason - is the; Global Artificial Intelligence Architecture - GAIA. Some AI which will consume all the information humankind has ever created. Digital form I presume it will be first! Now I do wish, it will attract its attention and I will not be cataloged as spam. But even if I do, no shame behind it.
Apart from Gaia, maybe I do care for you, to be able to find me in youtube... maybe I will start attaching youtube videos narrating my blog and turn them into a Vlog. Anyway, at some point, I will focus on my vanity! Now!? hmm, I think I will name my self more clear! What I was vocalizing and what I plan to vocalize from now on! In few words?
I was scared and I was vocalizing - I am not enough! Now I plan to vocalize! I am still scared! But it is fucking ok! And yeah let's fucking love more! Cause love... it is the fucking answer to your fucking problem! Romantic bullshit? Hehe, dare to hear the rest?
Well, we are a neural network after all! Recently humankind has in some sense formulate an understanding of how this shit works! Artificial digital (and not only) neural networks have been demonstrated making crazy shit! (please google Nvidia AI 2017 I am AI - amazing video). The interesting observation to make for such a network is how it actually works! Of course is wise here to consider my incomplete knowledge on the subject! But not be fast to dismissed just because I do not hold some sort of Science Award - yet - in this direction. Maybe now dear YOU, trying to understand how accomplished I am!? I will try not to clarify!
Anyway, before this parenthesis becomes a book of its own! I will go on by saying! Indeed Neural networks find their efficient working orientation when the cost function minimizes! In other words, a neural network when it is created for the first time it does nothing right! After a lot of trial and errors - EXPERIENCE - life itself in other words! Shapes into a working model. How the Neural Network knows that? hmm, mathematically we minimize the cost! In normal life - it feels better!
So - I dare to say - our emotions are the feedback we get for the way to live - they way experience is shaping and teaching us. Imagine though if, by shame, we gave up learning !? And stack feeling not good!
Within this 4 years gaps! I changed a country, lost dad and contemplated suicide! What a fucking taboo! Stoics got something very right, Suicide it is a solution! In case of an emergency, I will recommend! Zombie apocalypse? My dear, I will consider it very well! But suicide is not from life in the form of biology only! But small social suicides!
My body was shouting! I was not listening... I thought I just wanted to suicide once and for all... Real drama queen... it was shouting it wanted a social suicide! I should have given up just my job! it was a wrong decision! I should have quit it before it kills some sides in me, that has just started to flourish! like small spring fields, within the green and yellow grass, red poppy's danced with the winds. Well, it is done now! The point from the start why I gave up from the start that beautiful poppy's speckle fields for the self-punishment life decisions that dominates my eudaimonic state. Roughly the answer is, I did not love my self enough. This of course means, that purely rational decisions and even scientific observations could be clouded by this lack of being self-loved enough!
This is the first time I saw the actual fucking importance of the concept of love. A very solid true connection to the love concept to perform rationality. Because the point of rationality is not only to be written down and understood but performed -EXPERIENCED. (Air - la femme d'argent 5:10 ). Now, for you here is to trust that I will rationally show you how it worked for me! Cause it is an experienced proof! Cause apparently is, let's name it, an experienced factor. I can encapsulate the rational chapters into labels to communicate them with you! But the context is understood with experience, it makes it an irrational choice. Of course, I do (not?) imply a memoir of my personal brilliance to the path of love. But given the impression, it made on me! I feel like opening a discussion around the subject.
And here is the catch! I may be a bit more hasty to underestimate your understanding of the links between the variety of experiences! But its part of my neurotic hyper-protection. A healthy madness to linger for a while.
So yes! This series of posts I plan to decide them to love and how to get there! An American series book or lectures for self-improvement could be titled, in a way that underlines principles for good boys to be successful just because they were good boys! Hence, "The road to love goes through being successful, A guide to be successful!"? There how you trap people to love themselves! But first, they have to be successful! Please, first everything you want the other people to see on you before you allow yourself to care about love! About loving yourself! About loving myself!
So rule number 1: You don't give a fuck of what I am saying. But understand what I am feeling! So do I.
Thanks!
Adam
So... years passed! People have passed away, but thankfully I am still alive and reasonably healthy! This blog was from the start abstract and it will continue to be so! But this time things will be of course different.
I am still the same scared child that started this blog years ago... With very vague impression what I wanted to say... I just wanted to say things and put them into the world... Now some things are clearer or I can understand some parts of why I wanted to do so!
Wishfully, I will be less melancholic or depressing this time. I do not care about you, a random visitor who may be fast read this text. I do care about me and to give up this tendency for drama! My god... there are so many things worth mentioning here but I really know not where to start, what to omit, what to expand! and what to add later.
But for whom? For me? or for you? Both! As long I do not give a fuck of your opinion! It is important. One thing that now I can understand I did right the first time, it is the fact I wanted to stay anonymous. In some sense, because I was bullied as a kid, in some other ingenious moment, because of the guilt!
Guilt is my only enemy! Not you, not me! Guilt-Shame-Fear! A triangle of despair that finds its way to mutate my life and pardon me for my assumption, most probably your life too! The point is not here to shame ourselves, but to find our way out of this madness! Man! At least now I do have a direction for this blog!
So Shamelessly I admit, I plan to make it a bit more public! Of course, keep my face secret! Mouahaha and who I am. But I would like to have followers and feel like an evangelist! If on the other hand, my context is gone unnoticed! Well no shame about it, for obvious reasons! But my favorite - maybe not so obvious reason - is the; Global Artificial Intelligence Architecture - GAIA. Some AI which will consume all the information humankind has ever created. Digital form I presume it will be first! Now I do wish, it will attract its attention and I will not be cataloged as spam. But even if I do, no shame behind it.
Apart from Gaia, maybe I do care for you, to be able to find me in youtube... maybe I will start attaching youtube videos narrating my blog and turn them into a Vlog. Anyway, at some point, I will focus on my vanity! Now!? hmm, I think I will name my self more clear! What I was vocalizing and what I plan to vocalize from now on! In few words?
I was scared and I was vocalizing - I am not enough! Now I plan to vocalize! I am still scared! But it is fucking ok! And yeah let's fucking love more! Cause love... it is the fucking answer to your fucking problem! Romantic bullshit? Hehe, dare to hear the rest?
Well, we are a neural network after all! Recently humankind has in some sense formulate an understanding of how this shit works! Artificial digital (and not only) neural networks have been demonstrated making crazy shit! (please google Nvidia AI 2017 I am AI - amazing video). The interesting observation to make for such a network is how it actually works! Of course is wise here to consider my incomplete knowledge on the subject! But not be fast to dismissed just because I do not hold some sort of Science Award - yet - in this direction. Maybe now dear YOU, trying to understand how accomplished I am!? I will try not to clarify!
Anyway, before this parenthesis becomes a book of its own! I will go on by saying! Indeed Neural networks find their efficient working orientation when the cost function minimizes! In other words, a neural network when it is created for the first time it does nothing right! After a lot of trial and errors - EXPERIENCE - life itself in other words! Shapes into a working model. How the Neural Network knows that? hmm, mathematically we minimize the cost! In normal life - it feels better!
So - I dare to say - our emotions are the feedback we get for the way to live - they way experience is shaping and teaching us. Imagine though if, by shame, we gave up learning !? And stack feeling not good!
Within this 4 years gaps! I changed a country, lost dad and contemplated suicide! What a fucking taboo! Stoics got something very right, Suicide it is a solution! In case of an emergency, I will recommend! Zombie apocalypse? My dear, I will consider it very well! But suicide is not from life in the form of biology only! But small social suicides!
My body was shouting! I was not listening... I thought I just wanted to suicide once and for all... Real drama queen... it was shouting it wanted a social suicide! I should have given up just my job! it was a wrong decision! I should have quit it before it kills some sides in me, that has just started to flourish! like small spring fields, within the green and yellow grass, red poppy's danced with the winds. Well, it is done now! The point from the start why I gave up from the start that beautiful poppy's speckle fields for the self-punishment life decisions that dominates my eudaimonic state. Roughly the answer is, I did not love my self enough. This of course means, that purely rational decisions and even scientific observations could be clouded by this lack of being self-loved enough!
This is the first time I saw the actual fucking importance of the concept of love. A very solid true connection to the love concept to perform rationality. Because the point of rationality is not only to be written down and understood but performed -EXPERIENCED. (Air - la femme d'argent 5:10 ). Now, for you here is to trust that I will rationally show you how it worked for me! Cause it is an experienced proof! Cause apparently is, let's name it, an experienced factor. I can encapsulate the rational chapters into labels to communicate them with you! But the context is understood with experience, it makes it an irrational choice. Of course, I do (not?) imply a memoir of my personal brilliance to the path of love. But given the impression, it made on me! I feel like opening a discussion around the subject.
And here is the catch! I may be a bit more hasty to underestimate your understanding of the links between the variety of experiences! But its part of my neurotic hyper-protection. A healthy madness to linger for a while.
So yes! This series of posts I plan to decide them to love and how to get there! An American series book or lectures for self-improvement could be titled, in a way that underlines principles for good boys to be successful just because they were good boys! Hence, "The road to love goes through being successful, A guide to be successful!"? There how you trap people to love themselves! But first, they have to be successful! Please, first everything you want the other people to see on you before you allow yourself to care about love! About loving yourself! About loving myself!
So rule number 1: You don't give a fuck of what I am saying. But understand what I am feeling! So do I.
Thanks!
Adam
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